INQUIRING MIND

*For Twitch and all the others.*

So you thought you could dance

Your way out of despair

Dj

Enough music

Into your ears

To drown out your heart's

Hard-core wailing

Pretty-smile enough sparkle

Into your eyes

So when we looked into them 

We wouldn't see

That the lights were out

In your soul?

I wanna know 

Who dropped the ball first

How many dropped it after

Left you feeling like

This game of life

Was too difficult to play

That your access pass

To happiness was defective

And you weren't worthy

Of one that worked

How many were dropped

To the point that by the time

Somebody picked one up

And came to support you

In winning the game

It no longer mattered

Because you felt like

You were too many points 

Behind to succeed?

How many I love yous

And I'm here for yous

Sounded good but

Weren't strong enough

To overpower the game-over buzzer

Blaring in your head

Telling you you'd lost

No overtime on deck

Time to get off the court

Outta the game

Outta people's way

Outta existence?

DID

Anyone actually drop the ball?

Was there really not enough

Love

Cheering

Checking-on

And tips offered

On how you could be a victor?

Or

Did you have the ball

The whole time but 

Didn't think there would ever 

Be enough air in it

To keep you bouncing back 

So you tossed it?

Did you block

And foul folks

Who tried to help

Because deep down

You didn't think you were

Destined for greatness

Didn't think your life

Was important enough 

To save?

I'm just asking because

When it was me long ago 

When I thought I

Wanted to die

More than once

I realized

I didn't

What I really wanted

Was to have a purpose

Big enough to live for

A thing that made me

Feel like I was needed here

A way to leave the world better

A thing no one could

Take from me

That gave me joy

A thing that belonged

Only to me

Because why be here

If I can't have

Impenetrable fulfillment

On some level

Solid ground to stand on

When everything

And everyone around me

Is falling away

Or apart?

And when I found it

I never again

Thought I wanted to die

In fact

It became the thing

I fought hardest

To live for

So I'm just wondering

What would've made you stay

What was the puzzle piece

Missing from your soul

What was the thing

That would've kept you

In the game

Given you

Impenetrable fulfillment 

Made you plant your feet

Firmly in this life

Given you the courage

The audacity

To battle all the

Evils and strife in this world

The thing that would've

Let you live in peace

Carry out a purpose

That made you dance

Dj

And eye-sparkle pretty-smile

Till the game-over buzzer

Blared

And you were good

Because your happiness points

Were in excess

And you knew

You had won? 

©2022 Charlene E. Green

SUPPORT SYSTEM

I don't drink coffee

but I've been using your favorite mug lately

the one you used for your morning coffee

then several more servings throughout the day

I know it was your favorite

not just because I saw you using it

all the time

but because

I can see the permanent coffee-stain ring

just above the cup's halfway point--

you never filled it all the way

as if maybe you felt like you didn't deserve

a full one

like how you often felt about your life

the way you struggled to feel worthy

of the kind that would

leave you so satiated that there'd be

no room left in that cup

because the contents of your joy 

would aggressively bubble over

splashing on everything

and everyone in your midst

and you would never apologize

because you'd understand that

happiness is to be shared

it's supposed to flood

touch people

leave them inquiring about 

whatever it is you have

that makes your cup

runneth over like that

 

At the bottom

on the inside

I can see the mass of scrape marks

from where you clanked and stirred your spoon

and I question how much deep contemplation

and persistent worry

were driving each rotation of your wrist

how long you sat there

with your limb  

briskly spinning your java on autopilot

always no cream

barely a teaspoon of sugar

so I wonder if what you were really doing

was trying to dissolve

all your tears and fears

On the underside rim

lies the mileage evidence

where it's clear that this mug 

was your cherished companion

your ally during 

life's storms and celebrations

traveled with you to every corner

of 40 Terrace Drive

saw all the sights of your beautiful mind

this friendship between you two

was sacred

this vessel held your joe

and your dreams

firmly in its grasp

until the day you left it

in my care

I love the feel of the handle in my hand

sturdy and thick

like your love, reliability, and support

this mug has a density

my other mugs don't have--

I know because I pulled all of 'em

off the shelf

and did a thorough check--

they're not built like this one

they don't feel as dependable

which I guess makes sense

because in my whole life

I have never been able

to depend on anyone

more than you

 

Even though I don't drink coffee

I'll keep letting your mug

hold my favorite beverages

while we form our own bond

as we trek the dimensions 

of my home

I'll definitely make sure

to fill it to the very top each time

to remind myself

that I'm worthy of a life 

brimming with unapologetic joy

And I won't even flinch

if the contents spill over

Copyright 2022

Charlene E. Green

MORE

She say, "I know I can be a lot,"

apology in eyes

recoil in tone 

a momentary lapse

shrinkin' back into the shell

she labored her whole damn life

to bust out of

overtime hours nobody knew she put in

tryna get secure 

in her melanated skin

mournful sighs 

guttural moans

creak and pop of her bones

from the brazen pushback she gave

when they proclaimed she was forbidden

in spaces not built for her kind:

unapproved commentary 

all that black body

brain power and curves

generational wisdom and savvy

packed so overflow in her

it be spurttin' like a rebellious sprinkler system 

spontaneous and full blast

catch folks off guard

drench they tumbleweed minds

distress 'em so bad 

they grimace and flail

mash they foot on her spout

till she 

SHUT THE HELL UP...

but her force too grand

flow unstoppable 

so she always erupt 

before long

She say it

like she forgot she the classified

spice in this world's flavor

recipe ain't even complete 

till she pepper herself in it

her discretion

she control the measurement

they ain't about to deplete her

greedy spirit governin' they palates

clamorin' for heftier portions

but she understand 

it only take a dash

to balance the brew

so she keep her setting

on shake

not pour

cuz everyone knows

including her

they up Shit Creek

if she empty

Say it

like ain't nobody told her

processes be stalled

till she put hands on 'em

business all kinda unfinished

inexplicable confusion abound

till she bewitch her way

through a scene

like her ancestors 

were forced to do

for centuries

oh yeah

she got it honest

indigenous elixir in her blood 

only reason they can keep calm

and carry on

She say, "I know I can be a lot"

like she still ain't sure

she deserve

to be out that shell

roamin' free

command in her step 

like she belong 

fixture they cain't live without

like she ain't that hallowed safe

holdin' the all the fortune

like she ain't the one card

in the deck

everybody know 

they gotta be lucky enough

to pull

for the win

like she ain't that vital Jenga piece

they BET NOT move

from the foundation

or that bitch 

gon' come crashin' down

like cain't nobody see her value

like she don't believe

her "a lot" 

will NEVER be enough

They gon' always need

MORE

©2022 Charlene E. Green

THE REBIRTH

**Thankful to the people I spoke to after my show Saturday night, who inspired this poem.**

They tell me I'm
the new church on the block
built different from any other
my tongue
a rarefied bible
whose narratives be simultaneous
swing-pull-hug
knock ’em out the pew
with one blow
their self-loathing
a dune of hazardous waste
upon the floor
exposed
unable to deny
a frightful sight
then
embolden them
to dust off their dismay
stand up confidently and
turn to The Book of Empowerment
Chapter 7, Verse 24
which states:
Honor thy spirit
and thou shall glide through the storms of life
and reside among the peaceful and free
endowed with renewed faith
and mended esteem

They say my word
be a same-day funeral-Baptism-wedding
lay their broken lives to rest
dismembered souls strewn wildly
amid closed caskets
unfit for viewing
dip their feeble spirits
in the cool
refreshing proverb
of hope
deliver them from
the sin of self-harm
walk their rehabilitated beings
down the aisle
give them away
to begin a repaired life
with their healed self
to love and cherish
for better or worse
in sickness and health
forsaking all others'
negative perceptions
judgments
and commentary
for as long as they shall live

They whisper to me
in confession

their grievous yearning

for emotional stability
ask how to forgive themselves
for decades of self-induced mistreatment
bellow in anguish
ashamed of the mess they've made
of their psyche

Until I direct them
to The Book of You
Chapter 9, Verse 16
which states:
Thou canst do all things
through the courage residing within
forgiveness reigns when 

remorse of self-denigration is felt
changed behavior employed
and acceptance of imperfection pursued

Thou art in command
thou hast choice
choose self-love

They declare my sermons
be anointed
affirmations of worthiness
truth-bearing mirror on the wall
promising underneath
the inner decay and downfall
lives the fairest self of them all
ready for introduction
to the world

They rise from their seats
gather their properly adjusted crowns
self-respect
flood my collection plate
with appreciation and delight
and exit the sanctuary
turnt up
blessed with the spirit
of
I AM
capable
I AM
deserving
I AM
enough
I AM
LOVE

©2022
Charlene E. Green

Holy

You're a prayer

a need

a gimme right now

a sweet tooth

sleep deprivation

a daydream and nightmare

a soul itch

a bite my bottom lip and covet

a what if I can't get to you

a get my shit together so I can

You're a sacrifice

a Simon Says

a looped thought

a heart murmur

a secret creeping from my pores

an ego check

a Freudian slip

a tsk-tsk and an aht-aht

a praise dance

a gallon of patience

an answer within six questions

You are

clasped hands and sore knuckles

a soon

a hope

baited breath

a please and thank you

a rooftop-screeched

AMEN