PUSH

I cried through my entire dinner
but I was hungry
so I ate

salted my food
with teardrops
chewed and swallowed with obligation—
I mustn't be wasteful—
you wouldn't wanna see that
you wanna see me go forth
thrive
take good care of myself
even if I bawl while doing it
even if I don't know how I'm gonna
make it to the next moment
without you
even if I feel like a mess
too wretched to clean up

you would want me to keep going
no matter how many days
or years
you've been gone
no matter how painful it is
no matter how confused
scared
skeptical
I am
about how I'm gonna
be
anything
something worth smiling about
something you'll be relieved about
something that'll make me feel
like I really did the damn thang
in your absence

you would want me to thrive
no matter how many meals
I gotta salt
with these tears
to get there