FRESH HELL

In the wake of your exit

my cells have undergone 

wrenching transmutation

vexed at your unapproved absence

upchucking agony

quivering with dread

paralyzed as I stare

at the blinking walk sign

Because where am I going

without you?

Always been here

wisdom-feeding me thru

thousand-puzzle-piece lessons

too foreign for me to translate

your inner griot 

IV-dripping me healed

love potion surfing your tongue 

insight in every splash against my mind

quenching my thirst for your knowledge 

Google could NEVER

How will I triumph 

without you?

In the midnight of your gone

I realize my task is to now 

create my own walk

have confidence that 

my internal compass exists 

is as trustworthy as 

the one in you I've been borrowing 

these steps I've taken

have merely been my soles

mimicking your path

your GPS thru life

my main coordinates 

I need to get oriented fast 

cuz directing myself feels like 

roaming the Everglades 

at 2 a.m.

with my eyes dilated

Where will I end up

without you?

Your life 

was my favorite season

a fifth one

called Nurture

where the fruits

of your labor

hung low enough

on your branches

for me to reach

sink my teeth into

their pharmaceutic flesh

slurp their various juices 

equal parts sweet and tart

cuz sometimes

the support you get

ain't the flavor you expect 

but it's always 

the kind you need

to keep your level-up strong

and 

the way you 

provided warm breezes

on my cold-hearted days

shifting my perspective 

so I could see love clearly

saved me time and again 

How will I thrive 

without you?

I have never been good with numbers

but I'm positive that having you

zeroed out of this equation 

has left a negative balance 

in my heart

from losing access

to the spiritual currency

you used to let me withdraw from

when I struggled

to invest in me

the same amount of faith

you always did

and 

everyone knows

lack of self-trust

is the price you pay 

for co-dependency

which is liable

to bankrupt your sanity

So here I am

with 

none of you

more me than I know

how to count on right now

an ache so deep 

in the forest of my bones

that it inhibits me from

calculating the blessings I have

cuz your body in my presence

is no longer one of them

and 

a small deposit of hope

that in due time

this hell will decline

I will see 

the full scope of my worth

utilize the guidance

you left me with

and cash in on the happiness 

I've always owed myself

Listen to audio here:

https://www.reverbnation.com/hustlediva/song/34899421-fresh-hell

©2025 Charlene E. Green

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