THE LIFE-CHALLENGE SERIES: FEAR IS YOUR FREEDOM

This post is now available at http://honorthespirit.blogspot.com/2015/07/the-life-challenge-series-fear-is-your.html

THE LIFE-CHALLENGE SERIES: THE VICTORY LAB

This post is now available at http://honorthespirit.blogspot.com/2015/04/the-life-challenge-series-victory-lab.html

TIME MANAGEMENT

Over time

the heavy of you

has gotten so much lighter

the weight of my affection

has decreased

to something manageable

pocket sized

only visible when I decide

to take it out and look at it

and even then

it’s just a glance

sometimes a lingering gaze

but nothing I can’t handle

cuz I’m in control now

I learned how to buck the system

the one where

my anxieties had me

strung up

doing a painful puppet dance

slave to their uncomfortable beat

but those days are over

cuz I finally accepted that

I would never be able to outrun

my heart

couldn’t even escape it

by hiding in the darkness

of my own shadow

it’s etched there too

so I stopped running

resisting

got proactive

realized I couldn’t just

hang around and wait for time

to make things better

in its own time

I had to get aggressive

and push the clock forward

when the sun shines so brightly

in your path that you can’t see clearly

beats down on you with so much vigor

that you feel assaulted

you don’t stay there

exposed to its harshness

you find ways to diffuse it

protect yourself

so you don’t get burned

now

when I window-shop you

it’s from a healthy distance

without the compulsion to

rearrange your exhibited position

reaccessorize you to fit my preferences

I accept that I may only be able

to admire you from afar

where I fantasize briefly about
what it would be like

to take you off display

out of the view and reach

of the others who’ve been

coveting you

and then I keep walking

can’t loiter too long

cuz time has a tendency

to get away from you

if you don’t monitor it closely

it’ll run amok and then have you

scrambling to backtrack on

important things you didn’t tend to

while you were distracted

like keeping the pieces of yourself

in proper order

from coming unassembled

and amid the chaos of your undoing

you’ll realize you were so busy

standing unprotected in the unbearable sun

getting scorched

that now there’s not enough time

to put yourself back together

before the parts get lost

Copyright 2014

Charlene E. Green

THE BEST MAN WAS THE BEST THING FOR ME

I cannot WAIT to see The Best Man Holiday because ...

In 1999, when The Best Man came out, I had just started writing my first huge literary endeavor, a movie script called Love's Train. It was during the writing of that project that I knew my life's mission was to be a writer. But FIRST, I had to finish the script. The night I went to see The Best Man, I remember thinking it was such a great movie with sharp, witty dialogue and well-rounded characters, so much so that my spirit deflated with each passing scene. I kept thinking, "What am I DOING trying to write a movie script?! I can't write stuff like THIS! I'm not good enough. Eff it. I'm not gonna finish it." I went home feeling like crap, and I promptly "ended" that project. I moped, chastised myself for not having the skills to write brilliantly, and beat myself down mentally for being "less than" in so many ways. But when your calling is awakened, no amount of self-slander will keep you from doing it, no matter how hard you try to walk away.

Three weeks later, after the agony of NOT working on my script had kicked my ass, I reluctantly got up, dusted myself off emotionally, and decided to take another stab at it, though I couldn't imagine what kind of greatness I was gonna come up with. So I got back on it, deflated and all. I dug deep into my life to pull out what I wanted to be a great story. As I wrote, and very well, I might add, I felt it ... that indescribable surge of "this-is-IT," and all of a sudden my world changed. I knew as I typed those scenes that writing, the thing I had been doing all my life, was what I was born to do professionally. It was the most gorgeous a-ha moment I've ever experienced. One month later, I finished Love's Train, and I was DAMN proud of myself and the script! I felt like I had actually done what Malcolm D. Lee did in The Best Man, but in my own way, one that was just as good as his.

That script is what started my journey, the thing that made me pursue moving to L.A. I shared it with my friends and family, shopped it to production companies, and once I was in L.A., I almost had a couple of deals. Even though they fell through, it was okay because by then, I had already written my first novel, ONE MAN'S TREASURE, and I knew after THAT masterpiece that there would be no more self-denigration or questioning of my mission. I still intend to make that movie. When the time is right, it'll all fall into place. In the meantime, I'm grateful for being in that theater in October of '99, because I was challenged to step up my game before I was barely out the gate. And I truly did. I'll be front & center at The Best Man Holiday, with a completely different mindset, and much appreciation for having the opportunity to witness a second go-'round of the movie and characters that ALMOST made me quit my most important career-building project.

***Speaking of projects ... Please continue to support my work by viewing my tour campaign, contributing to my cause, and sharing the campaign link with your networks! https://fundrazr.com/campaigns/ecUob/ab/0255N5  Thank you in advance!

KILL SUICIDE: STAY ALIVE AND FIGHT!

My self-transformation poetry is meant to shake you up, make you look at your life honestly, make you face yourself ... and wanna strive to be better. It's also meant to do the same for ME. I may write like I'm only talking to YOU, but when I pen these poems, the messages are just as much for me to heed. I have to do my own work every day on my life, too. This is no holier-than-thou mission I'm on. It's me and all of you, working together to change for the best.

In December 2010, I was suffering badly, emotionally. It was to the point where I felt I was drowning in my own misery. I hated the feeling, and I wanted an out. I knew a woman (still know her) who was also struggling. She owned a cafe I visited frequently. We would have long talks, and she would often tell me about the deep issues she was dealing with and I would offer encouragement. I decided to get out of myself and go down to her store to check on her to take my mind off my problem. When I arrived and asked how she was, she told me that she wanted to kill herself the night before. Not only that, but she said she saw herself doing it and felt GOOD about it. This stunned me at my core. I was actually speechless. I had heard [of] people saying they wanted to kill themselves, but no one had ever said it to ME, and I had NEVER heard anyone say they saw the action and felt good about it. I was truly shaken on a level I had never been. Fortunately, she moved past that moment and came to work that day, though I apologize that I can't remember what she said made her decide to stay alive. What I do know is this: Her comment disturbed me so deeply that when I left 2 hours later, my soul ached for her and everyone who's ever felt like her. That conversation made me reassess my own life and problems and how I was handling them. I had been in distress, but [that time] I didn't wanna kill myself, and I felt fortunate. But I suddenly realized how important it is for us to put our own suffering aside, come out of our shell, and embrace other people. You never know where they are in THEIR suffering, and hearing their story may change the way you view YOURS.

Later that night, as I was still flooded with angst about her, and about my own issues, I got angry about how we sometimes treat ourselves, the ways we don't protect ourselves, the situations we allow ourselves to be in because we haven't learned to love ourselves enough to steer clear of them. And then "Zookeeper" spilled out of me with fervor. In this poem, I was talking to her, myself, and everyone else out there who has ever carried burdens so heavy that they feel they're gonna break at any moment, but because of their lack of self-esteem, and often the heaviness of whatever mental health issue they may be struggling with, they sometimes can't push themselves to fight for their happiness. 

I still revisit this poem regularly, to check in with myself, to make sure I'm fighting. Cuz sometimes ... that proverbial light at the end of the tunnel just doesn't seem to be there. The darkness feels like a ruthless, weighted pillow suffocating my soul. I, too, have experienced that awful feeling of there not being any hope of getting to "the light"—of not even believing that it existed—and consequently, I've felt hopeless to go on. Thank goodness I pushed through those times.

Please listen to the poem, and then please share this post with others who are suffering. This self-work is serious. It's necessary. People need it. And I wanna encourage as many as I can to dive in and swim to the light.

Click link to listen.

ZOOKEEPER