Showing posts with label self-esteem. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self-esteem. Show all posts

Sunday, December 4, 2016

WHERE MY STORIES LIVE

People always assume that because of my profession, I graduated from a university. They never ask if I did; they ask where I went. When I tell them I didn't, they're baffled. But how 'bout this: I almost didn't graduate from high school. I had a very big F in a required science class less than 30 days before graduation. And I failed the final. And I still graduated.

I don't use social media to share my most difficult, life-changing stories. They're in my poetry, self-help books, and occasionally my blogs. This graduation story is in my book Building Faith and Character Through Life Challenges, along with other great ones, like when I was nearly paralyzed and how a crucial shift in my belief system and attitude transformed my situation at the last minute and kept me from being wheelchair bound. Or how, 5 years later, to avoid being served eviction papers, I had to literally pack up and clear out my entire apartment alone in under 72hrs, and I had the physical strength and ability to do it. Or how I almost missed out on a major career opportunity because I was considering making a move based on the pressures and fears of my friends and family and not my gut. Thank goodness I honored my spirit!

These are the kinds of things I talk about in my writings. While I'm going through stuff, I say very little, if anything at all, about it publicly. But when I'm on the other side of it and have been victorious, I tell my stories. I use them to encourage people. I invite you to get this book (link with more info below). Get it for yourself; get it for people you care about, who are struggling with hope and victory. Come see how I use faith and determination to win in my life, and lemme show you some ways to do the same in yours.

Saturday, November 5, 2016

HIDDEN TRUTH

Your innocent words press heavily
Upon the nerve you hit

The sting of the truth you are unaware
That you have thrown in my face 
Cuts me deep—
But what can I say? 
The truth is the truth....

Funny how a moment of idle chatter and fun
Can suddenly turn into a life-altering epiphany
For one who has so many lessons to learn
Old habits to break
And inner work to tend to

Distracted and disturbed by the sound
Of your voice ringing in my head
Waking me to the error of my ways
Yet shaming me of them, too
Makes my heart feel weighted
Leaves my eyes blurred with tears
But makes me glad you said so
Cuz the bitter dose of reality you fed me
Clearly my life must have sought

Because pressing at the forefront of my brain
Were those same mashed thoughts—
I held them of myself—
But I just said they were mashed—
By excuses, by fear
By a million erroneous beliefs 
That make my head spin
Make me dizzy
Make me damn near insane
And in the end
Debilitate and paralyze me...
I can barely move

It’s hard to breathe when your mind
Is enslaved by the devil’s voice
And your hip is numb and sunken into
The permanent concave imprint
Left in the middle of the bed
Where you lie...
Spiritually dead
Not even enough hope 
To fit underneath a fingernail

Hope
Such a small word
With even bigger meaning
And sometimes I have none

Right now
I can clearly see
The value you will have in my life
Because true friends speak the truths we hide
And force us to grow
Change
And be better
And better I will be 
Because of you

©2005 Charlene E. Green
From Me to You ... Through Mine Eyes: Visual Expressions
www.hustledivaspeaks.com

Sunday, June 5, 2016

AFFLICTION

My name
Is Regret
I’m the slickest
Trickiest
Manipulator alive
You think I reside in a space and time
Separate from you
But ohhh, silly rabbit
Didn’t I just say I was the trickiest?
And I ain’t just for kids
My game is tight
I run it on all of you:
Women and men
Boys and girls
I don’t discriminate
My job is to wreak as much havoc
On your psyche
As many times a day
As I can

See, I live in the backyard
Of the intuition you refuse to heed
Where I buoyantly wait
For your train-wreck decisions to play out
Like a string of box-office flops

I’m always packed and ready
To make my ascent
To the height of your emotions
Pitch my tent
Camp out in your cognizance
Hike the trails of your thoughts
Hunt for the frailest of them
Lie in wait …
Then pray
I pray so hard
For you to second-guess yourself
Give in to the pressures of people
And life
And slip into the abyss of situations
That will be the death of your sanity

I bank on you being steeped
Chin deep
In your insecurities
Depleted self-esteem
And lack of faith in your ability
To navigate your storms

Like the uncontrollable force
Of quicksand—
Your financial fears
Need for acceptance and love
Craving for material things
That you mistakenly rely on for joy—
They squeeze you breathless
Sink you
Into a state of panic
Where you can't picture
A healthy way forward
Where you believe you have no choice
But to surrender to inferior options

I'll cheer as you tumble
Down the dark hole
Of sleepless nights
Random outbursts of unruly sobbing
Churning-stomach syndrome
Fear of retaliation
Longing for second chances
Mental and physical tumult—
OH!—
The thought
Of your constant misery
Self-hatred
And endless discomfort
Makes my glands all waterfall
Has me salivating
Like a ravenous wolf
Fangs bared
Anticipation dripping from my tongue
Like fresh tree sap
(((shiver)))
I can
Taste
Every drop
Of the remorse that will hemorrhage
Through the bitter tears
Whose streaks will tattoo your cheeks
In the boldest font
So that every time you look in the mirror
You will be forced
To remember the scenarios you chose
That backfired
The times you cocked your mouth
Emptied its chamber
And annihilated people
With words you can't take back
How you betrayed yourself
Forfeited your happiness
Repeatedly
Cuz cowardice is your addiction
The crack in your brain’s pipeline
Decomposing your faculties

And I will roar in amusement
Beat my chest with arrogance
Revel in the ease of my accomplishment
In the depth of your weakness
Then I will
Smugly make my way
Back to the yard
Where I will kick my feet up
And slumber peacefully
Delighted that your life
Has yet again
Reached a new level
Of inescapable hell

©2016 Charlene E. Green


Monday, April 25, 2016

NATIONAL POETRY MONTH |2/30|: RUNNER

i see you
laid out for him
in your full-length glory
extending yourself
across his foundation
protecting your coveted space
so inviting
so perfectly situated
for him to use you
like the accessible
trusty door mat 
that you are

i understand you
and my soul cries for you

because the thing about being a runner is
you're never positioned
to elevate
from the ground floor
of his world

always faithfully there
at the entryway
waiting for him
to return
hoping to glean
from the vibration
of his footsteps
where he's been all day
without you
his feet
the only parts of him
you can look forward
to connecting with
the rest of him
belongs to a life
he will never
think enough of you
to let you experience with him

you must know your place
stay
in your place
at all times

do not ask to be moved
to a spot
where people will know you exist
where you'll be seen in the light of day with him
like you are in your torturous dreams

you do not get
outdoor privileges
ever

your job
is to be there
in the darkness
when he arrives
prepared to let him
wipe the ambiguous remnants
of his fulfilled days
all over your curiosity
days you best not question
days you needn't concern yourself with
days you'll spend every night
inserting yourself into
through your fantasies
where he'll introduce you
to his people
finally give you identity
where you'll watch him smile
as your nectarous flavor
leftover from his morning feast
clings to his palate
like wildflower honey
enraptures his taste buds
oozes from his mouth
dangles from his lips
: : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :
where you wish
your name hung
like customized decor
for general viewing
where you wish
he praised you
where you wish
you could hear his secrets

where you wish
you weren't housed as one

where you wish
you could press
your lips
in a public display of affection
where you wish
he would say
i love you
afterward
: : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :
but the thing about being a runner
is
deep down
you already know
the most attention you'll ever get
is when you're not properly secured
to be walked on

©2016 Charlene E. Green
From my upcoming poetry book You Betta Write!
www.hustledivaspeaks.com



Thursday, April 7, 2016

NATIONAL POETRY MONTH |1/30| EMPTY TRAVELS



There was a time
When I would trek
Far out of my way
To get acceptance from others

I never felt good
About making those trips
Because
Even if I got what I wanted
When I arrived
I soon realized
That all I had to unpack
When I returned to myself
Was a bag of false self-worth
Gained with
Premeditated behavior
And a suitcase
Full of their suspect perceptions

©2016 Charlene E. Green

Thursday, March 31, 2016

RISE (A PROCLAMATION)



Broken women
never let being disassembled
stop them 
from superheroing

They know the value
of their severed parts
keep them swept in a neat pile
within reach at all times
aware that their thorny jagged
is the ammunition required
to slash barriers
shred red tape
burst bubbles
dismember egos
poke holes in sexist theories
and cut through bullshit
from dawn to dusk

Broken women 
know their crumble is mighty
a potpourri of coveted gems
they know
that even when fragmented
the best parts of them—
the most craved
the most essential—
are alive and energized
can still be spotted
amid the debris
and extracted bit by bit
to self-medicate and reboot
then gathered purposefully onto their fingertips
and disbursed evenly
among the deserving
fed to the needy
used to mend hearts
repress wild temperaments
sedate lives
and butcher the path
of every rogue
attempting to thieve the peace
of those they love

Broken women
don't quell their ascent
delay their shine
hinder their grind
or stifle their smiles
cuz of a little 
disarray

They have no shame
in their altered state
cuz they know triumph
resides there
and they will forage 
the wreckage in their souls 
to showcase it
to teach those who haven’t figured out
how to be successful
at surmounting this life
while using the pieces
of their frayed spirits
as weapons
and moxie
on the way to the top

You ain't heard ... ?
winning 
is how they repair themselves
slaying 
is how they stunt
smoothing the trail for others
in spite of their mangle
is the secret to their glow
broken 
is just another word
for immortal
strength training
at its best
a temporary obstacle course 
they make their bitch
daily

a setup
for the greatest wizardry
you'll ever see 

Copyright 2016
Charlene E. Green



 





Friday, October 16, 2015

THE SUFFERING


How wise we are
about people's demons

What experts we are
on the subject of morals
things people had no business doing
things they shouldn't have said
places they shouldn't have gone
when the monsoon struck
pulverized their generator of hope
and their world went dark

We're so well-versed
in their pain
how it should affect them
causes they should embrace
help they really  should have sought
should have been informed enough
to know about
wired "properly" enough
to be interested in
strong enough
to ask for
savvy enough
to pursue
worth-filled enough
to want
or even feel they deserved

People do the best they can
to deal with the boogeymen
hunting them
chasing them down the alleys
of their reality
with pitchforks
in the daylight
smothering them
in their dreams at night
crippling the half a heartbeat
they wake up with
pilfering their desire
to get out of bed
to wanna live
through the day

Their best
may not be a best
we approve of
but so what?
who are we
anyway
but disdainful bystanders
ill-equipped
to speak on
how to confront
much less slaughter
the beasts
on people's streets

Already strugglin'
to win the battle
with the brutes on ours
but got all the know-how
about what it takes
to take out others' woes
repave the roads they travel

Got more
opinion than compassion
judgment than understanding
more arrogant answers
than heartfelt questions
so much
fuzzy memory
for how we've wrangled
with our past
in ways that weren't great
coulda been healthier
but we did what we could
with the emotional wherewithal
we had
and to someone who was watching us
it wasn't good enough
wasn't right  enough
yet here we are
spying and scrutinizing
people's sagas
all perfected and accomplished
in the art of dragon-slaying

Got hella PhDs
in the suffering of others
but truth be told
some of us still don't have
a degree of comprehension
about how to master
our own

©2015 Charlene E. Green  




Thursday, October 15, 2015

BODILY HARM


When your throat tightens
unexpectedly
slams shut
like a malfunctioned revolving door
jammed
and your undeclared thoughts
are highjacked
by your voicebox
with quicksand might
shackled by its cords
held for ransom
by your fears

that will be the moment
when you'll successfully redefine
the term
"eating your words"

Because you believed
the box of courage
within you would fail
unconvinced of its stability
its ability
to bear the size of your truth
keep your sentiments
packed in the right order

because you imagined
the contents shifting
on the way out of your mouth
arriving jumbled
feared that upon receipt
you'd be misunderstood
returned "unappreciated"
rejected ...
now your message
has retracted
a caged bird
writhing beneath your tongue
and if you don't
find a way
to unhinge the door
deliver that ransom
let that bird sing
SPEAK
with no remorse
like it matters
like you deserve to be heard 
even if they don't like it
even if it tremors their comfort zone

if you don't prioritize
candor

your emotions
will ravage you
take your innards hostage
terrorize you
with artillery and threats like 
psychological bedlam
systemic outcry 
inexplicable physical maladies
doctors won't be able to
diagnose
medicate
will say it's stress related
"all in your head"

and they'll be right
it is in your head
where you left it
an army of fuse bombs
weapons of mass internal destruction
positioned to implode

©2015 Charlene E. Green

For more information on this important subject, please see Dangers of Holding in Your Emotions




 



















Thursday, October 8, 2015

SHED


shed

like excess mental weight
the pounds
of their cruelty
the way they glare
and you silently agree

criticism
from people
not wearin' your skin
but callin' foul
for the way you
look in it
carry it
behave in it

shed
  
like dank clothes
the rubble
from your storms of persecution
sidestep
the ominous pond
of disapproval
puddled at your feet

like burdensome debt
shed
your subscriptions
to fear
loathing
discontent
of your life
your body
perceived
lack-ofs
shoulda-alreadies
shouldn'ta-dones
wanna-but-can'ts

shed 
the you
you adopted
and grew
fed lies to
based on their view
their spew
the you 
you scorn
cuz you think
what they shout
is gospel
and now what you are
is pawn
lurching to their slanderous cadence
not champion
of your magnitude

peep
how your arms
flit erratically
legs jerk
how you
beat and kick yourself to shame
with their commentary
parrot the script they write for you
to their delight

this isn't really  the role
you intend to keep playing
in your movie
is it?
you're the star
so get busy
rewriting
 
start a health-phrase diet
double portions 
daily
for your emaciated
self-reverence
gorge on them
get fat
on a superior assessment
of yourself
feast unapologetically
on mouthfuls
of your own delicious story
of a you
you look at proudly
smile at
celebrate and respect
can't get enough of
flaws and all
and say
"Damn, it's great to be me!"

then toss up
the middle-finger deuces
and shed
all the whole and partial
fucks you give
about the people
whose only desire
was to make sure
you never
gave a single fuck
about yourself

©2015 Charlene E. Green


 


Tuesday, March 24, 2015

JUST FOR YOU: MY WISH FOR WOMANKIND

HAIKU: "COMPETITION"

Woman, love self like
none can match yours, and watch as
folks try to rival

How often do you really "do you"? When's the last time you said no when that's what you meant; put make-up on—or not—because you wanted to, not to please someone else; dressed or wore your hair the way you prefer, not how your spouse or lover prefers; gave your body the rest it needs; took yourself on your ideal date; did nothing but what you wanted all day, for one day? When's the last time you asked yourself what you need or want, and thought about providing it for yourself? Have you ever asked?

As queens of sacrifice, particularly mothers, you're wired to nurture others first; but it's healthy to seek ways to provide for others in conjunction with nurturing yourself.  Some may take issue with this, possibly people you know and love. When you've evolved, only those who are a match to your level of evolution can function properly in your space. The rest will tend to keep their distance because they don't know how. You'll receive what you know you're worth. If people can't meet the terms of your upgraded mindset, then they'll either drop completely off, or they'll only interact with you in ways they feel comfortable. It may hurt, but let it be okay. Maybe they'll catch up one day, maybe not. In the meantime, you've made room for the kinds of visitors that'll go out of their way to match your requirements. You deserve that.

I lovingly challenge you to make it your daily goal to give yourself as much of what you need for your peace of mind as possible; all things such as children, family, and jobs considered, where some level of compromise may be necessary. The mere commitment to consider your needs daily is the shift of energy needed to make way for your fulfillment. Every effort to "get yours" counts. If you're never or hardly ever attempting to live your ideal life, then you'll always be waiting for others to provide love, attentiveness, and approval for you.

Life isn't meant to be a waiting game. Wait for no one to love you properly. Figure out how to love yourself the way you want, on your time, your terms. You'll be amazed at how people will be willing to match the respect you have for yourself. You'll be so content with what you give yourself that you won't have time for or interest in worrying about who else is or isn't on board with loving you right.

Ladies, I challenge you to find the courage to live just for you, whenever possible. I encourage you to start a competition with yourself—to experiment with how much you can increase your own self-love and self-esteem each day. Have fun with your self-care; plan it; commit to it; deepen it. Be excited every day to wake up to the privilege of being in your own company. Be so adamant about your well-being that you absolutely refuse to allow into your life those who aren't bringing your caliber of love to the table. Set the standard. Raise the bar high. Be choosy. Choose you. I dare you to make these bold moves. Then, I dare you to feel great about yourselves and love the subsequent results.

http://www.honorthespirit.com