Showing posts with label destructive habits. Show all posts
Showing posts with label destructive habits. Show all posts

Thursday, October 15, 2015

BODILY HARM


When your throat tightens
unexpectedly
slams shut
like a malfunctioned revolving door
jammed
and your undeclared thoughts
are highjacked
by your voicebox
with quicksand might
shackled by its cords
held for ransom
by your fears

that will be the moment
when you'll successfully redefine
the term
"eating your words"

Because you believed
the box of courage
within you would fail
unconvinced of its stability
its ability
to bear the size of your truth
keep your sentiments
packed in the right order

because you imagined
the contents shifting
on the way out of your mouth
arriving jumbled
feared that upon receipt
you'd be misunderstood
returned "unappreciated"
rejected ...
now your message
has retracted
a caged bird
writhing beneath your tongue
and if you don't
find a way
to unhinge the door
deliver that ransom
let that bird sing
SPEAK
with no remorse
like it matters
like you deserve to be heard 
even if they don't like it
even if it tremors their comfort zone

if you don't prioritize
candor

your emotions
will ravage you
take your innards hostage
terrorize you
with artillery and threats like 
psychological bedlam
systemic outcry 
inexplicable physical maladies
doctors won't be able to
diagnose
medicate
will say it's stress related
"all in your head"

and they'll be right
it is in your head
where you left it
an army of fuse bombs
weapons of mass internal destruction
positioned to implode

©2015 Charlene E. Green

For more information on this important subject, please see Dangers of Holding in Your Emotions




 



















Sunday, August 24, 2014

DAMAGED BUT WORTH SALVAGING

Sometimes, you're too far gone emotionally to see your worth, your beauty, your value in the world, to see a way out of your suffering. Sometimes, it takes someone else to be compassionate enough to not only see past your flawed layers but also to help you see past them so you can move forward with uplifting yourself. Nobody gets through this life without others' encouragement. You're lying if you say you've made it through every tough situation all by yourself, with no mental or physical assistance. Too much standing around judging and watching people suffer and not enough helping leads to lost souls ... and lost lives.

Is this your story or the story of someone you know? Check out the video below. Join the Anti-Suffering Movement. Challenge your focal point. No judgment where suffering is concerned.



Sunday, February 2, 2014

Sonnet #2 for February



MAMA KNEW

The stress of her world is almost too much
Day after day she fights feelings of shame
She planned a life that she almost could touch
Now things are ruined and won’t be the same
                     
At first the pressure wasn’t very strong
Seemed as if it was all under control
He showed his true colors before too long
Suddenly he was always on patrol

She and the kids can barely make a move
Without his questions and suspicious craze
Feels like she always has something to prove
It's been a nightmare getting through the days

If she had acted on mama’s advice
Maybe she wouldn’t be paying this price

Copyright 2014
Charlene E. Green

Thursday, January 9, 2014

TIME MANAGEMENT



Over time
the heavy of you
has gotten so much lighter

the weight of my affection
has decreased
to something manageable
pocket sized
only visible when I decide
to take it out and look at it
and even then
it’s just a glance
sometimes a lingering gaze
but nothing I can’t handle
cuz I’m in control now
I learned how to buck the system
the one where
my anxieties had me
strung up
doing a painful puppet dance
slave to their uncomfortable beat

but those days are over
cuz I finally accepted that
I would never be able to outrun
my heart
couldn’t even escape it
by hiding in the darkness
of my own shadow

it’s etched there too

so I stopped running
resisting
got proactive
realized I couldn’t just
hang around and wait for time
to make things better
in its own time

I had to get aggressive
and push the clock forward

when the sun shines so brightly
in your path that you can’t see clearly
beats down on you with so much vigor
that you feel assaulted
you don’t stay there
exposed to its harshness
you find ways to diffuse it
protect yourself
so you don’t get burned

now
when I window-shop you
it’s from a healthy distance
without the compulsion to
rearrange your exhibited position
reaccessorize you to fit my preferences
I accept that I may only be able
to admire you from afar
where I fantasize briefly about
what it would be like
to take you off display
out of the view and reach
of the others who’ve been
coveting you

and then I keep walking
can’t loiter too long
cuz time has a tendency
to get away from you
if you don’t monitor it closely

it’ll run amok and then have you
scrambling to backtrack on
important things you didn’t tend to
while you were distracted
like keeping the pieces of yourself
in proper order
from coming unassembled

and amid the chaos of your undoing
you’ll realize you were so busy
standing unprotected in the unbearable sun
getting scorched
that now there’s not enough time
to put yourself back together
before the parts get lost

Copyright 2014
Charlene E. Green










Friday, October 25, 2013

KILL SUICIDE: STAY ALIVE AND FIGHT!



My self-transformation poetry is meant to shake you up, make you look at your life honestly, make you face yourself ... and wanna strive to be better. It's also meant to do the same for ME. I may write like I'm only talking to YOU, but when I pen these poems, the messages are just as much for me to heed. I have to do my own work every day on my life, too. This is no holier-than-thou mission I'm on. It's me and all of you, working together to change for the best.

In December 2010, I was suffering badly, emotionally. It was to the point where I felt I was drowning in my own misery. I hated the feeling, and I wanted an out. I knew a woman (still know her) who was also struggling. She owned a cafe I visited frequently. We would have long talks, and she would often tell me about the deep issues she was dealing with and I would offer encouragement. I decided to get out of myself and go down to her store to check on her to take my mind off my problem. When I arrived and asked how she was, she told me that she wanted to kill herself the night before. Not only that, but she said she saw herself doing it and felt GOOD about it. This stunned me at my core. I was actually speechless. I had heard [of] people saying they wanted to kill themselves, but no one had ever said it to ME, and I had NEVER heard anyone say they saw the action and felt good about it. I was truly shaken on a level I had never been. Fortunately, she moved past that moment and came to work that day, though I apologize that I can't remember what she said made her decide to stay alive. What I do know is this: Her comment disturbed me so deeply that when I left 2 hours later, my soul ached for her and everyone who's ever felt like her. That conversation made me reassess my own life and problems and how I was handling them. I had been in distress, but [that time] I didn't wanna kill myself, and I felt fortunate. But I suddenly realized how important it is for us to put our own suffering aside, come out of our shell, and embrace other people. You never know where they are in THEIR suffering, and hearing their story may change the way you view YOURS.

Later that night, as I was still flooded with angst about her, and about my own issues, I got angry about how we sometimes treat ourselves, the ways we don't protect ourselves, the situations we allow ourselves to be in because we haven't learned to love ourselves enough to steer clear of them. And then "Zookeeper" spilled out of me with fervor. In this poem, I was talking to her, myself, and everyone else out there who has ever carried burdens so heavy that they feel they're gonna break at any moment, but because of their lack of self-esteem, and often the heaviness of whatever mental health issue they may be struggling with, they sometimes can't push themselves to fight for their happiness. 

I still revisit this poem regularly, to check in with myself, to make sure I'm fighting. Cuz sometimes ... that proverbial light at the end of the tunnel just doesn't seem to be there. The darkness feels like a ruthless, weighted pillow suffocating my soul. I, too, have experienced that awful feeling of there not being any hope of getting to "the light"—of not even believing that it existed—and consequently, I've felt hopeless to go on. Thank goodness I pushed through those times.

Please listen to the poem, and then please share this post with others who are suffering. This self-work is serious. It's necessary. People need it. And I wanna encourage as many as I can to dive in and swim to the light.

Click link to listen.





Wednesday, October 23, 2013

IT'S TOUR TIME!

Hello, everyone! It's been a while since my last post, but I've been busy creating, as usual! The highlight of my career right now is the launching of my new tour campaign, The Human Revolution Project.

Since 2010, I've known that I would eventually take my poetry on the road, but it wasn't until the end of that year that the idea for the theme of the tour came to me. I was scheduled to be a featured poet at a big event, and I was allotted a 30-minute set, which was the longest I had been offered at that time. As I was putting my set list together, I noticed an important theme among the poems I had chosen: self-esteem, self-reflection, self-improvement. In my thinking regularly about touring, the question was always what kind of tour it would be. I knew I needed it to have structure and deliver a truly valuable experience and message for my audience; I didn't just wanna bounce from place to place doing poetry randomly, simply because I could. As I looked at my set list, it dawned on me that the structure for my impending tour had developed all on its own. I had come into a full mission in spoken word that I hadn't planned on, and now it was perfect for what I intended to accomplish in the way of using my words to help people grow.

Once the idea took form, my goal was then to expand on it and really make it something marketable. Since that time, I've added many more self-transformation-themed poems to the pot, and with countless hours of their rehearsal, presenting them at open mics weekly, showcasing them at events monthly, and getting constant positive feedback on their subject matter and how they move the listeners, I know it's time to get out there and do my work on the largest, most profound level possible. Won't you help me make that happen?

Below is the link to my campaign, which contains more details about the tour, samples of some of the poems I'll be featuring, and the many ways you can contribute. Thank you in advance for your support! Please also share this post and/or the campaign link with your networks. I'll see YOU in YOUR state, soon!

THE HUMAN REVOLUTION PROJECT TOUR





Saturday, April 7, 2012

PROFILE



Maybe
it’s not always time for
Basketball Wives
True Blood
Dancing with the Stars
or the 11 o’clock news
not always time
to click “Like”
become entrenched in a
72-comment conversation
on Facebook
to debate & protest
upload risqué
bathroom-mirror pics
or flood the News Feed
with virtual celebration
about Kobe’s 17th
3-pointer tonight

When’s the last time
you debated the deception
your head has you believing?
got you wedged in relentless
unsavory life patterns
questioning your sanity
spinning in a splintered cycle

Maybe
it’s time to ask “why”
of your substandard conditions
protest your shortage of answers
ponder your own fate
lament less for others
not that they aren’t important
but if you deplete
your energy on them
what's left for you?

Or maybe that’s your point

Maybe
it’s time to visit
with your shadow
find out how it feels
about trailing behind you
in your eternal state of flux
ask if it’s tired
of watching you stumble
and being dragged along
on your rutted journey
apologize for wild-goose chases
for not giving better directions
invite it to lead for a bit
so you can
rewire your GPS

Maybe
it’s time to watch
your reality show
it’s on right now
all day
the real you
unstaged
in need of your dominance
but you’re on mute
cuz you’re bored
confused about the plot
afraid of the conclusion

Maybe
it’s time to “Like”
your own interests & opinions
comment on your behavior
upload mental pics
of your ambitions in fruition
unfriend your ego’s drivel
friend your higher self instead
star in your own life
out-perform yourself
make your shadow proud
to have you as its leader

Maybe
it’s time
to update your profile

offline

Copyright 2012
Charlene E. Green

Monday, August 8, 2011

Emotional Turmoil, Part One: Self-Preservation

Don’t let us motivational speakers fool you, not for one minute. We’re not superheroes; we’re human. That being said, you should know that we actually do have challenges in our lives. Everything is not smooth every day. Occurrences are happening all the time, some of them very uncomfortable; but we have a job to do, and that is to encourage all of you. A good portion of the time, that encouragement takes place in person, sometimes on the phone. And while it is not our job to put on airs and pretend to be perfect, what’s important is that when we are in front of you, you don’t see our world falling apart, so to speak. Job = professionalism (at least it should), and having a meltdown on stage, in the middle of a workshop or in-person encouragement session, or over the phone, does not qualify as professional. Yes, a good and honest motivational speaker should be using his or her own personal examples of how he or she overcame XYZ obstacles; without personal stories and victories, people would be less than inclined to take our advice. But freaking out in front of people we’re supposed to be encouraging, when an occurrence is fresh and in motion, is generally the last thing we want to have happen. There have been several times that I was on the mic, pre- or mid-meltdown, and pulled out every bit of my professionalism to get my job done without incident, and then was relieved to be able to let my guard down in the car on the way home.

My motivational-speaking subject is self-love and self-reflection. I’m a constant work in progress, checking myself daily, whether I want to or not, trying to make sure that I’m treating myself right and putting my situations in the proper perspective. It’s not easy all the time. In fact, sometimes I find myself wanting to send myself to my own room because I’ve fallen off the self-love/reflection meter a bit. But then I remember that I’m human, and it’s okay, as long as I make sure to pick myself up, dust myself off really well, and get back on the meter—as high as possible—as soon as I can. More importantly, I remember that in order for me to be an effective motivator, I have to work through my own occurrences successfully so that I can be ready to encourage people who are in the same situation. Part of being a well-rounded speaker in your realm is to have an array of experiences with which to use as encouragement fodder. The subject of self-love is probably the biggest and most important subject there is, because contrary to popular belief, you can’t really lead a successful life without it.

Last night, I found myself dealing with a recurrent occurrence, and in my moment of oversensitivity, I allowed it to break me down. I mean way down…swimming-in-tears down. Now, I’m no crybaby, but I am a firm believer in a good cry every now and then; for me, it helps alleviate a certain amount of stress. And I have them sometimes. But boy, when I do, they are very serious, probably because I don’t do it that often. I’ve gotten pretty good at “sucking it up” during times when I know I just really need to calm down and refocus my energies. Then, there are the times when my system overloads; I’ve sucked up one too many frustrating, hurtful, or disappointing moments, and the dam bursts heavily. And I let it flow. At that point, I know there’s no need in trying to run from what’s happening. The important thing is what I do after it’s over. This is where the self-love comes in, and where the fodder enters the picture.

I know from countless firsthand experiences that wallowing is the absolute worst move you can make after a breakdown. It does nothing but crush all your self-esteem and exacerbate any feelings of hopelessness you may already have. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve allowed myself to “lie down and die,” thinking that if I could just go to sleep for a while, I could get away from the pain, maybe dream up a great solution in the process of my wallow-nap. No such luck. I would wake up just as depressed or even more, realizing that the problem had not packed up and bounced while I snored and drooled for 3 or 4 hours. Not only was the problem still there, but I also I felt crappy about myself on a really deep level for some reason, every single time. I was never sure what that was about, but I soon learned.

Many years ago, in one of the countless self-help books that I’ve read (I apologize that I can’t name it right now), I came across the idea that instead of allowing ourselves to curl up in a ball and wither away at the hands of our problems, the first thing we should do is show ourselves some kind of love. The moments right after a breakdown are so crucial. They’re the precursor for either our overall victory or failure in the situation. Once the tears and tantrum end, it’s what we do next that will make or break us. I can tell you that as an ex-first-class wallower, that will break you. Going to sleep, getting drunk or high, going out and beating someone up to “let off some steam,” or doing anything other than turning your attention to yourself in a loving, caring way, will always lead you to a shoddier place emotionally. The reason is that you have completely abandoned yourself at your worst time. Going to sleep right after a breakdown may not seem like a bad idea, and it’s actually not bad. I mean, sleep is necessary, and it’s not destructive like the other options, right? No, but what it is, is an easy way to avoid looking at your life and dealing with your pain; and in times of crisis, that is the first thing we should do if we want to bring the issue to a close as soon as possible: deal with it—no drugs, alcohol, violence, or convenient escape mechanisms.

You know how when a friend calls you up in a panic and wants you to help them with a problem? You usually do it without hesitation, because you care about that person. You take time out to focus on their issue, show them that you care, dig in and come up with some encouraging words, find a [hopefully healthy] way to make them feel better, if you can. That’s the same thing we should be doing with ourselves in our own time of need. You don’t skip out on your friends when they’re down, so why would you do that to yourself? In times of emotional turmoil, the best counteraction is to find a way to do something loving for yourself, to take care of your life. Typically, after a meltdown, the first thing we forego is our “normal routine.” For example, maybe the dishes won’t get done; the laundry won’t get folded; your teeth may not get brushed and flossed that night; you may skip your exercise routine; if you’re in school, you might not get that homework done; maybe you’ll postpone that prayer session you had planned; or you had cooking a healthy 3-course meal on your agenda, but now you’ll just opt for some greasy fast food. Whatever it is that we normally do when we’re okay, those things are usually the first to go by the wayside when we’re distraught. It’s just too much. We’re too broken down. We’ll do it later, after we ruminate for 18 more hours on the issue at hand. The reality is, it’s how you care for yourself in moments of crisis that show how deep your love for yourself really is. After a breakdown is precisely the time to put extra focus on taking care of your life, even in the smallest way. I don’t care if you just go take out the trash, clip your fingernails, dust the shelves, or go walk around the block once; do any healthy thing that you know will make you feel better or feel good about yourself, even relax you. Any move you can make towards showing yourself that you care about yourself, and even your immediate surroundings, is a great start. You may not think it’s worth much at the time, but I can’t stress enough how showing yourself love and care when you feel bad will boost your self-esteem, and, dare I say, allow you to feel a glimmer of hope about getting through your situation. I can’t begin to explain how it works; it just does. Being your own friend and motivator first, changes things; it gives you incredible strength and resilience. It says, “I love myself enough to not let myself sink into the abyss of hell.” It helps preserve your sanity.

After my hissy fit, of course, I wanted to crawl under my bed and stay there for a week. But I knew better. Since it was nighttime, and there were things I needed to take care of before bed, I knew that those needed to be my first love-myself moves. After calming down and drying my eyes, I sat for a bit, tooling around on the Internet. I was still hurting, which is normal, but I wasn’t about to let myself fall off the meter. So, I got up, went and washed my face and brushed my teeth; then, once that was done and I started feeling better about myself, I got busy washing my dinner dishes in the sink, straightening up my couch area in the living room, and tidying up in the bedroom. These things are not major…when all is right in my world. When all is not, I want no part of the routine. I just wanna scrap everything and mope. But once again, by pushing myself to tend to my well-being, I saw the amazing results of caring for myself when it was hardest to do. My spirits rose; I began to have hope that the situation would get better soon (while in tantrum mode, I had pretty much lost all hope); and the best thing that happened was that I got the idea for this blog post, which instantly excited me because all that hoopla did was lead me right back to doing what I love: writing and motivating. Fodder. Boom. Case closed.

So here I am, at 4:23 a.m., eyes puffy and tired, but happily doing my job. Does my issue still exist? Yep. Do I wanna lie down and die over it? Nope. So guess what, people? I WIN. I loved myself through yet another trying moment, and that’s what it’s all about. Remember: wallowing is reactive; self-care is proactive.

Now…I can go to sleep.

From my book Building Faith and Character Through Life Challenges. For more info and to order, click here.

For information about my life-consulting services, please visit www.honorthespirit.com