MY APOLOGIES TO THE WAR HEROINES

*Inspired by the last line of Mahogany Browne's poem "Working Title": I'm so afraid to have a son.

Dear [Black] Mothers,


I will now
refer to you as
Warrior
since you're at war
with your faith
in peaceful days
cuz you birthed black boys

I'm sorry
every time your black sons
walk out the door
you picture mine-filled streets
ensnaring them
bombs donned in blue
with loose triggers
suspect intentions
precise aim

you dread their steps
knowing it doesn't matter
how lightly they tread:
their existence
is the only weight needed
to split the thin ice
they're skating on

I'm sorry your hearts
are too fragile
for simple good-byes
see you laters
be right backs

I'm sorry they're no longer simple

they sound like lies
your sons have no clue
they're telling

fear pillages your heartbeats
dines on your breaths
siphons the hope from your soul
when you hear them

I'm sorry
that in your world
sending them to the store
is synonymous with sending them
to their grave

you weep
pray
second guess
before saddling them
with that lethal task
cuz these days
they're more likely to survive
a freeway pileup
than the trip there and back

I'm sorry you wake up every day
choking on the stench of fatality
the knowledge that your sons
no longer have to be incarcerated
to incur a death sentence
that their melanin
is the revised definition
of "dead man walking"

I'm sorry your love
will never be
big enough
strong enough
mother enough
to protect your sons
from blue-clad bombs
explosive-teemed clips
excuses
tales
jurors
and the rigged system

I'm sorry
there's a war on your sons
you haven't been prepped
to defeat

©2014
Charlene E. Green

Hear Mahogany's poem here: http://youtu.be/ygWnVzFbrN0?list=UU5DH3eN81b0RGJ7Xj3fsjVg

Sonnet #14 for February

FLY

Precious black boys, teach yourselves how to sew

Learn how to tailor your minds at young age

More crucial for the world's needs than you know

Life without your talents would cause outrage

Though your divine wings are by birthright strong

Rivals' hatred cuts deep; damage is sure

If clipped by their wrath, it won’t be too long

Before your ease of soar is made obscure

Prioritize mission to guard your flight

Master mending skills, keep spirit well placed

Longer you stay wounded makes their days bright

Stitch up quick, hit sky, show splendor with haste

Best recipe for revenge is surprise

On faces when no matter what you rise

Copyright 2014

Charlene E. Green

TIME MANAGEMENT

Over time

the heavy of you

has gotten so much lighter

the weight of my affection

has decreased

to something manageable

pocket sized

only visible when I decide

to take it out and look at it

and even then

it’s just a glance

sometimes a lingering gaze

but nothing I can’t handle

cuz I’m in control now

I learned how to buck the system

the one where

my anxieties had me

strung up

doing a painful puppet dance

slave to their uncomfortable beat

but those days are over

cuz I finally accepted that

I would never be able to outrun

my heart

couldn’t even escape it

by hiding in the darkness

of my own shadow

it’s etched there too

so I stopped running

resisting

got proactive

realized I couldn’t just

hang around and wait for time

to make things better

in its own time

I had to get aggressive

and push the clock forward

when the sun shines so brightly

in your path that you can’t see clearly

beats down on you with so much vigor

that you feel assaulted

you don’t stay there

exposed to its harshness

you find ways to diffuse it

protect yourself

so you don’t get burned

now

when I window-shop you

it’s from a healthy distance

without the compulsion to

rearrange your exhibited position

reaccessorize you to fit my preferences

I accept that I may only be able

to admire you from afar

where I fantasize briefly about
what it would be like

to take you off display

out of the view and reach

of the others who’ve been

coveting you

and then I keep walking

can’t loiter too long

cuz time has a tendency

to get away from you

if you don’t monitor it closely

it’ll run amok and then have you

scrambling to backtrack on

important things you didn’t tend to

while you were distracted

like keeping the pieces of yourself

in proper order

from coming unassembled

and amid the chaos of your undoing

you’ll realize you were so busy

standing unprotected in the unbearable sun

getting scorched

that now there’s not enough time

to put yourself back together

before the parts get lost

Copyright 2014

Charlene E. Green

LIFE-ALTERING QUESTIONS AT BREAKFAST

When she asks you
where he is
for the first time
at age seven
casually
out of the blue
while sitting at the kitchen table
mouth gorged with Cookie Crisp cereal
milk dribbling down her chin
no eye contact
but
staring at the side of the box
feigning astuteness of its
foreign ingredients

when she lays
the $64,000 question
in the middle of the table
calmly
and assertively
like
cross-examination
clearly premeditated
with an air of suspicion

first

miss me
with the mock shock
in your eyes
you had to know
this would happen
it’s not like
he’s ever been there
to tuck her in
at night
piggyback her
around the house
twirl her in her
favorite dress
and tell her how pretty
daddy’s little girl looks
or be there at the bottom
of the slide to catch her
at the playground
drop her off
at the school bus
share an ice-cream cone
and prop her on his knee
to tell her how much
he adores her
like all the other little girls’
fathers do

not like she hasn’t noticed
wondered
bathed her pillowcase
in tears
when you turned out
the lights at night
hoping he’d become a magician
and appear in places
other than her dreams

not like she hasn’t
wanted to ask you
before today

so don’t act brand new

second

brace yourself
this is the single-most
important answer
you'll ever give her
you have this chance only
to nail it
don’t screw it up
third—

and this may feel
like thumbtacks
kung-fu fighting
in your throat—

but
swallow your rage for him

hide your noxious words
in the alcove
of your voicebox
and deadbolt them
they're not trustworthy

detour the fatal venom
speeding down your tongue

if you let it crash
onto the table
and allow its toxic debris
to penetrate her innocence
it will destroy her
on impact

your jaws of life
won’t be quick enough
to retract any regrettable utterances
or extract her from
the spiritual wreckage
you'll entomb her in

you'll destroy her

do not rip
her embryonic esteem
from her 3-foot soul
she's precious
and impressionable
so guard her from your contempt
at all costs

acknowledge the fact
that although he left you
with the memories
of the worst of your merger
he also left you
with the best part of him
a lotus flower
that emerged from the swamp
of your muddy relationship

you were pro-him
when you let him
probe you
now the problem of his absence
and how it’s affecting you
is yours
not hers

truth is
you don’t hate him
you loath yourself
for being an open target
for a bullet
you were too weak
to dodge

so when she unglues her eyes
from the side of the box
and they meet yours
in preparation
for the critical reply

smile

with everything you’ve got
no matter how much it hurts
and tell her
he’s there
with her
every minute of the day
in her laugh
eyes
walk
sense of humor
the curve of her smile
shape of her hands
texture of her hair
the mole on her chin
in all the things she can do
that you can’t

tell her

how lucky she is
cuz he’s
closer to her
than he is
to anyone else

grit your teeth if you have to
hold that smile in place
with every thread of
strength your face can muster
when you profess
what a great man he is

because

every bit of good
he ever was
every bit of love
he ever possessed
he stored it
inside of her

©2013 Charlene E. Green

COVERED

The day will come when I'll be able

to wrap myself around you so often

that I'll be like your second skin.

Feel free to use me as backup

if you're ever uncomfortable in your own.

I'll be the sheath you wear

to heal your wounds

my warmth will melt

tension from your nerves

protect your inner beauty

from the coldness of life

you need this kinda love.

My hold on you

will be gentle 

supple only to your touch

but let 'em try to test you

attempt to break through me

to shred your spirit

earthquake your manhood

separate you

from the knowledge of your worth

and I'll grow defensive

harden like tortoise shell

tighten my grip

be as thick as skin comes

chameleon you

so they can't see you

matrix through their war zone

I'm every texture there is

for every battle in your path

tell me which one you need

customize me for your exterior:

sandpaper coarse

to smooth their disrespectful tones

gravel jagged

to trip 'em up

when they try to walk all over you

leather tough

so their knives can't pierce

your back when they stab you in it

rose-thorn sharp

to bleed 'em of their gall.

No matter how many

got you hemmed up

I got you surrounded

I'm like a bubble umbrella
when they try to rain on your glory
my barrier is wide
too expansive for their tricks
go 'head and Two-Step through that storm
show 'em how you move
when I'm on
smile cuz you know
I change with the conditions
see 'em before they hit
stay resilient through 'em all.

So save your strength

use it to focus on

manifesting your greatness

I have enough brawn
for both of us

enough warrior in my cells

to repel the offenders.

I got you covered

all your parts

permission granted

to wear me

however you need

to conquer your journey.

©2013 Charlene E. Green

 

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