MY BAD

My favorite emoji
is the eyeballs 👀👀
they crack me the hell up
I use them for mostly funny
and light moments
in social media posts
or to taunt friends and fam
when I'm waiting for a response
to a question I've asked
a task I've doled out
information I'm looking for
or when I'm just checking on them

Mom gets the biggest kick out of 'em
always says she laughs
when I text her
a string of eyeballs
and nothing else

But now that
I'm in her house
with her
and The Intruder
I no longer text eyeballs...
I have my real eyes on her
all day long

Sometimes
there are these moments
when she's so "up"
talkative
sharp-witted
and moderately energetic
that it looks like
feels like
she just might be improving
like The Intruder could possibly
be having a change of heart
packing its shit—
not things
items
or stuff
it's definitely shit—
and making its way
outta her body
so much so
that I start to get
sorta-kinda hyped
and I find myself
eyeballing her
in emoji fashion
real hard
and long
like the string I send her
via text
👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀
cuz I believe in miracles
I've seen too many
had too many of my own
to NOT believe
so hey
who am I to doubt
that Mom could have one? 

But then
before my hype
can set up shop
in my bones
The Intruder
flings its shit
in my face
spits in
my real-life eyeballs
letting me know
this shit ain't no joke
it ain't packed
a damn thang
but a one-two punch
to my sinking-feeling gut
as I watch it
snatch her from miracle
to misery
in the blink
of my teary 👀
then I feel betrayed
foolish
miracle?

pshhh—
never mind

ROLES

I took you on a wheelchair stroll
you hadn't left the house
in almost two weeks
not your first time
in a wheelchair
cuz
the pile of hospital visits
took care of that
but this one
was special

Getting you down the stairs
to the chair
me
supporting you
lifting you
doing everything I could
to make sure you didn't fall...
the irony was crazy

You've spent five decades
supporting me

We teamworked you down
into the chair
you were so winded
visibly frustrated
but so damn determined
I smiled and thought,
"I am my mother's child." 

When I got you in
and secured
you looked so precious
and tired
and sad
a bit resigned

and tiny
heartbreakingly tiny

I wheeled you out the door
into the warm breeze
that dose of Vitamin D
you so desperately needed
and as I slowly walked you
down the sidewalk
you quietly looked around
like a baby
taking in new scenery
and I
looked down at the top of your head
wondering what my first stroller ride
as a baby
was like
you pushing me
me
unable to walk
needing you
to make sure that first ride
was as safe as possible

What day was that?
What was the weather like?
What did I have on?
Where did we go?
Were you scared?
Do you remember?

I would have asked you
these things
but I was trying to stay
in the moment
trying not to get distracted
I had one job:
to make sure that ride
was safe

You had a whole little person
that you were responsible for
that you would do anything for
that you would endure for
that you would have to figure out
how to care for
minute by minute

And now
so do I

VOLUME

As your voice begins
to fade, I strengthen mine to
speak for you in clone

JUST ONE QUESTION

I can hear you
snoring lightly
on the baby monitor
my eyes squinted
ear two inches from the speaker
making sure it's really you
and not the boisterous wind
from the open windows

no
it's you

but

though I sigh in relief
I know that when the snoring
and breathing
stop
and the grizzly bear
living in your body
has ended its feast
finished
gnawing you
right in front of my eyes
and your spirit floats
through every air vent
this house
your house
will become a ghost town
whose walls will surely crumble
at your absence

you've held them up
for nearly 25 years
like you've held me up
for 50
and they
like me
will wail
and tantrum
and probably maim themselves
while choking violently
on terror
then drowning
in the deep end
of their ocean of tears
behind the reality of
life without your face
your hands
your laugh
your smile
your humor
your body
among them
your loving touch
your quirky ways
your protective arms

who

who in the hell
will love these walls
and me
and me
and me
AND ME

WHO IN THE HELL
WILL LOVE ME
like you have?

WHAT TIME IS IT?

Tell me about the time
you watched your extended flesh
a candy-chocolate
headstrong
feisty beauty
diminishing
being eaten
from the inside out
yet still fighting
as the tips of your fingers
glided thru her curly white hair
you held her hand with your other
and she opened her eyes
from her weakened slumber
and you said, "I love you, Mommy.
Thank you for staying for 50 years,"
and she said, just above a whisper,
but with the clarity and sweetness
of a morning birdsong,
"Thank YOU for staying for 50 years.
I love you too. You my baby."

Tell me about that time.

You can't.
But I can.
And I'm eternally grateful.

DREAD: THE COUNTDOWN

How many more times
will I call your name: "Mommy,"
and get an answer?

Her Winning Life

Next to your fighting spirit
Your smile was the strongest part of you

The sprawl
Of your beam
Held a gallant celebration
Of life
Even amid your worries
When your mind
Played sad songs
And your body
Sometimes tried
To stop dancing

Though your frame was small
The prayer and perseverance
You constantly fueled it with
Made you a giant champion
And with that glowing smile
Lighting the path
Along your journey
You always saw a way
To tackle any obstacle
Trying to keep you
From the joyous life
You intended to live
And the people
Whose hearts you planned
To soften and heal
With its warmth

Although your visit
To this realm
Is now over
You left your smile behind
To remind us
That no matter what the road
We're traveling looks and feels like
No matter how many sad songs
May play as we travel
Or how often our bodies
Get low on spiritual fuel
Or even try to stop dancing altogether
If we too

Prioritize our grin

Use it to soften life’s blows

People’s hearts

And light the way

Along our own path

We will

At the end of our trip 

Have successfully guided ourselves

Into the next realm

As victors

Who loved

Inspired

And completed our mission 

With no regrets

 ©2019 Charlene E. Green
For Curita Harris-Harper

NaPoWriMo #1: OVERKILL (Haiku)

You don't have dimples.
That's cool, cuz your face has reached
its perfection max.

©2019 Charlene E. Green

YOU BETTA WRITE!

Happy New Year!! I hope you all had a safe and fun one! Let's get this year started "WRITE!"

Speaking of writing, my new poetry book, You Betta WRITE!, is coming out at the end of January! I'm so excited about this project because, in addition to my signature free verse, and my recently included haiku work, it will feature a new element of poetry that I haven't added to my books before now: Shakespearean sonnets!

I would love to have you all on board! Below is the order link; but first, here's the back-cover summary, so you can get a feel for the book's theme:

Adverse change in social climate often warrants a shift in tone when addressing it—one with a higher decibel than before. The level of anguish and overall chaos in our world has taken its toll on many. In You Betta WRITE!, Charlene E. Green gives readers a deeper, grittier poetic look at the challenges we've faced in recent years, using free verse, haiku, and sonnet to paint her picture of inspiration, justice, and resolution.

In "The Suffering," she boldly declares that we've "got hella PhDs in the suffering of others, but ... some of us still don't have a degree of comprehension about how to master our own." In "Accident Forgiveness," she shakes the abused awake by asking how many more "fist-on collisions with your face will it take for you to finally admit that this man is not accident prone, he is purposely reckless with your life?" "Curfew" is a heart-wrenching, parent-focused narrative about the more than 200 missing Nigerian girls, at the hands of Boko Haram. But since Charlene's work is never complete without the inclusion of wit, love, and fantasy, you can be assured of just the right amount of gentle to balance out her firm voice.

You Betta WRITE! is for the grown and mature, and for those whose lives are ready for a deep cleaning, upgraded perspective, and new direction.

For those of you who haven't read or heard any of my work, I invite you to check out my blog a little further; many of the poems that will be in the book are housed here (but will come down shortly after the book's release), so you can get a glimpse into the project.

If you'd like to put in an order, here is the link: You Betta WRITE!

Thank you for your time and support! I look forward to delivering to you a project that you'll be inclined to read again and again, and to share with others!

NATIONAL POETRY MONTH, DAY FIVE, NUMBER TWO

ACCIDENT FORGIVENESS

How many more
Fender-benders to your feelings
Sideswipes to your ribs
Rear-ends to the back of your head
And fist-on collisions
With your face
Will it take
For you to finally admit
That this man
Is not accident-prone
He is purposely reckless
With your life?

Don't wait for him to stop
Make your move
When he pauses between hits
Eject yourself from his joyride
And find a safe companion
To travel with
On your journey to love
Before riding with him
Makes you a casualty

©2018 Charlene E. Green
www.hustledivaspeaks.com

NATIONAL POETRY MONTH, DAY FOUR

(After Ollie Woods's day-three poem "Free Write for Queendom")

BLACK LITERATURE 

You're my favorite free verse
Been studyin' you my whole life
Amazed at your levels of fortitude
How you wield your brilliant mind
Over so many matters
Ones that have killed others
But only made you stronger

Been watchin' you work that secret ingredient
In your DNA
Making you phoenix
Hugely sought
Flavor and favor unlimited
They all want it
But it can't be bought
You're no longer being sold
You're a free verse
Striding uninhibited through life
Sporting your melanin
Like the finest African couture
Telling the kinds of stories you want
With the endings you deserve
Baptizing souls with your zest
Stardust, they should call you
Cuz their systems call for you
Cry and reach for you
Yet they can never get high enough
To reach your heights
Can't get your potent effect
Anywhere else

Neither can I

Your embrace
Organic
Robust and consoling
Pure in its intention
To showcase love
Your gentle graze a light sweetener
Your aroma arousing my senses
Your steady breaths
A mood elixir
I wanna savor
So my pores sip your clutch slowly
Consume all your medicinal properties
Make sure my spirit is quenched and healed
Before you're gone

Your laugh
A djembe rhythm
Pulsating in your throat
Powered by generations of triumph
Ancestors Zulu dancing
In your belly
Stomping out your stress
Making your roar
That much more vibrant
Your joy contagious

Your smile
An eighth-grade dance
Filled with mystery
Mischief
Chance
Serving me all the feels
Giggles and butterflies
Baiting me
Luring me closer
Urging me to relax in your space
Your eyes
Strobe-lighting my path
Inviting me to engage
In your lively offerings
And enjoy my stay

I accept

You're my favorite free verse:
Uncensored
Unpredictable
Perfectly unstructured
With a message of omnipotence
Made clear

©2018 Charlene E. Green
You Betta WRITE!

NATIONAL POETRY MONTH, DAY THREE

THWART

Always bring love to
a hate fight; shift bitter hearts
with spite Kryptonite

©2018 Charlene E. Green

NATIONAL POETRY MONTH, DAY TWO

SURROGATE

Nourish your heart via
mine; feed on its beats when yours
needs strength to push through

©2018 Charlene E. Green

NATIONAL POETRY MONTH, DAY ONE

GARDEN

Scorned my growth process,
now wanna reap my beauty
and favor? DENIED!

©2018 Charlene E. Green

TIME CHANGE—HAIKU

Spring forward from their
dark views, spite. Slay, prolong your
light. Make them fall back.

©2018 Charlene E. Green
from my upcoming book
You Betta WRITE!