ROLES

I took you on a wheelchair stroll
you hadn't left the house
in almost two weeks
not your first time
in a wheelchair
cuz
the pile of hospital visits
took care of that
but this one
was special

Getting you down the stairs
to the chair
me
supporting you
lifting you
doing everything I could
to make sure you didn't fall...
the irony was crazy

You've spent five decades
supporting me

We teamworked you down
into the chair
you were so winded
visibly frustrated
but so damn determined
I smiled and thought,
"I am my mother's child." 

When I got you in
and secured
you looked so precious
and tired
and sad
a bit resigned

and tiny
heartbreakingly tiny

I wheeled you out the door
into the warm breeze
that dose of Vitamin D
you so desperately needed
and as I slowly walked you
down the sidewalk
you quietly looked around
like a baby
taking in new scenery
and I
looked down at the top of your head
wondering what my first stroller ride
as a baby
was like
you pushing me
me
unable to walk
needing you
to make sure that first ride
was as safe as possible

What day was that?
What was the weather like?
What did I have on?
Where did we go?
Were you scared?
Do you remember?

I would have asked you
these things
but I was trying to stay
in the moment
trying not to get distracted
I had one job:
to make sure that ride
was safe

You had a whole little person
that you were responsible for
that you would do anything for
that you would endure for
that you would have to figure out
how to care for
minute by minute

And now
so do I